Clearing Our Assumptions

Last week, I was reminded of the power of assumptions as I was preparing for what I thought would be a rather difficult conversation. My assumption was that the conversation would go poorly - I was nervous that the other person might react unfavorably and defensively. 

 Before engaging, I practiced noticing, and clearing, my assumptions, using the practice of assumption clearing. Asking myself:

• What are my assumptions?

• What is the impact of these assumptions?

• How are these assumptions getting in the way?

• And what can be different, or possible, for this conversation if I’m able to set these assumptions aside ahead of time? 

I worked to clear my assumptions (because they were strong, I needed to repeat the above steps a few times). I then visualized how I wanted to show up for the conversation - from a place of kindness and understanding - and pictured the best possible outcome for both parties.

Much to my surprise, the conversation went incredibly well - and the other person responded with kindness and understanding in return. If I would have engaged based on my assumptions, I suspect that the conversation would have gone much differently. 

This is the power of assumptions - we often get what we assume will happen. And because oftentimes our assumptions aren’t positive, this means that we get a less powerful result. 

Noticing our assumptions and working to set them aside can be a powerful practice to improve our conversations, our relationships, our leadership, and our life. And, for me - and for most people I know - this remains an ongoing opportunity for practicing. 

Inspiration for this concept comes from the Co-Active Training Institute, along with The Work of Byron Katie.