The Space In Between

If initially we were experiencing depleted surge capacity, and then we were languishing, right now - at least in my little corner of the world - it feels like many of us are attempting to find our way in what feels like a web of collective anxiety.

Are you experiencing, or observing, this in your realm?

This week, I've been pondering the way that our values shape how we feel. And, specifically, the way that they might impact the things that frustrate us, infuriate us, or provide us with a sense of relief or joy. We each have different values, which means that what feels “true” or “right” for one of us will likely not be what feels “true” or “right” for everyone.

Toward the beginning of the pandemic, much attention was given to the quote: “We're all weathering the same storm, but we're all in different boats.” That is still true. Within our individual boats, we have different values, perspectives and views of the waters ahead.

For example. . .

If we value safety, we might embrace new restrictions and mandates because they make us feel safe.
If we value freedom, we might shudder at new restrictions and mandates because they make us feel as though we our freedom is being taken away.
If we value clarity, we might appreciate knowing certain details about our fellow patrons in a restaurant or public space.
If we value privacy, we might bristle at the idea of sharing such information with a hostess before entry.
And if we value abundant solo time, we might have embraced the quieter rhythms of pandemic life and feel anxious about our now-busier social calendars.

The point is: we each value different things, and because of that, what feels delightful to someone might feel awful to someone else.

What feels like a proactive safety measure to one might feel like an infringement of rights to another.

What feels like a welcomed chance to connect in person might feel like a social anxiety trigger for someone else.

Typically, our values are shaped by our life experiences.

We each have different life experiences, and different sets of values.

I've been feeling curious about the ways in which our world might feel different right now if we had more conversations about the unique values that we each hold, the individual life experiences that have led us to this place, and how these values and life experiences might shape the way we've experienced the last couple years.

Can you imagine, if in place of lobbing Twitter insults back and forth, more of our leaders and reporters instead paused and asked: “what makes you feel the way you do?” or “what can I learn from you, even though we disagree on many things?”

I fantasize about this world often.

As leaders, we can work to uncover the unique values, perspectives, and life experiences beneath the positions of our team members.

When we are stuck in a place of opposing positions, rather than focusing on “A versus B,” we can dig in to explore what we might agree on beneath “A versus B,” where we are aligned, and what we can learn from each other.

Rarely is it as simple as “A or B.”

As leaders, our opportunity is to explore the space in between.